why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
