you mean i was at the winter classic?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
