There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
