bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
