i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
