Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
