I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
