I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
