Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
