Can Purell be used as lube?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
