Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
