so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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