apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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