Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
