Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
