WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
