i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize