Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
