He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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