what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
