so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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