I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
