I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think your dad took our porno
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
