he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
