the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
