don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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