I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
