Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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