He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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