Moan for me like Helen Keller
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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