Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Green mimosas i think yes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
