I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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