Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
