i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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