They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
