The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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