You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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