Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
