Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
