life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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