your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
