I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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