i just google imaged poop.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
