How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
