my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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