you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
