i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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