Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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