Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Plan B is the new Plan A
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
