True but thats because hes a fetus.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
