he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
