I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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