hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
