first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
