bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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