I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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