I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
