Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
