chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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