problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found puke in my bra..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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