you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
