I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
