Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
