Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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