Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize