please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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