I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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