You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize