Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
