I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
