You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
