i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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