Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
