Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
