you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
