Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
