I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize