dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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