So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
