this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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