Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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