Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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