I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize