Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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