i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
