Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm passing your future prison.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
