We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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