I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Success! We fucked roommates!
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