So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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