Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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