oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
