ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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