I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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