I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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