just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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