Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
