Just invented taco cereal.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
