Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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