I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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