I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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